Four Years a Mommy

Recently, a close friend found out that they will be a parent. I was so excited I probably talked their ear off about what to do, what not to do, and where to go. I mean because if you didn't know, I am Mommy Queen [This is in fact Sarcasm]. We talked for over an hour and I felt like with each word I was reliving my experience over again. But only the good stuff of course, I mean really it's the only stuff that matters. What really has four years of Mommyhood been like?

Well let me be frank, I wanted a boy! However, a precious little girl was exactly what I needed. She is such the little diva and so much like her mom, nosey and all. For lack of a better way to put it-It's been perfect.

I look at her and I can't believe she's mine. I created this friendly monster.All that I hope for the world, for humanity, it lies in her eyes. She is so caring and gentle. Her heart is pure. One night we were laying in bed and I asked her "What do you what to be when you grow up?" and she looked up at me and said " Whatever you want me to be mommy."
I'm so sappy, that this alone was enough to just completely melt my heart.I hate that she's a people pleaser, so I wanted her to dig deep. To hear about the things that roll around in that little mind of hers.
She looks back at me and says " I want to be a nurse and to help people if they are hurt or if they lose their dog,I will help them find it. I will just do whatever they need me to do."

Okay, cue tears and sappy music now. I was blown completely away. I mean some of the sentence didn't make sense clearly because nurses don't find dogs, but the compassion. It makes being a parent simple when you just naturally have an amazing child. I tell people all the time to be an only child Emsley is so giving and caring that I can hardly stand it.

Alternatively, Emsley is extremely busy! She asks entirely too many questions and she repeats everything. She ALWAYS wants me to play with her. I have to keep her nails done, and her hair up to her standards. I have to fuss with her every morning about what she wants to wear. She has to always be on top of my entire life. She has to lay on me, and sit near me and ALL THINGS MOMMY! But clearly all of the many good things out weigh anything that I could possibly say alternatively

.

Four years a mommy has been really great. I've learned about myself and people and just life in general. I've matured and just really embraced being Emsley's Mommy. I'm sure I have far too many faults to list here, that I should be working on. However, I have a happy, healthy, compassionate, and caring daughter. So, there's not too much more I could really ask for.

XOXO

Don't You Ever

I have a confession.

 I spend way too much idle time on social media. It's honestly a nasty little habit I've developed.

I'll be the first person to admit to being nosey. I should probably clarify that I mean nosey in a good way. I'm a people person, most of the time anyway, I like to share in birthdays, successes, and travels. It's always interesting, to me at least, to read people's views. I guess I just enjoy the aspect of engagement. However, every so often I  find a view or a post that just so happens to ruffle my feathers.

Today was in fact that day. Not that I have a life's work. But I feel that my life's work will be devoted to [at some point in time] inspiring people to do the impossible. I think if I were to have a slogan it would be "Making the impossible, possible!" Because that's what life is about, right? That's why we experience. So, okay now what the post was actually about. A young lady took the opportunity to boast for not having children and focusing on her career, so that when the time came her children would be well taken care of.

"I chose my career instead of laying around poppin kids out...guess im selfish. .....just know when i do decide they wouldnt want for nothing....called priorities"

So, my true issue is maybe me actually being sensitive and I'm willing to admit that I may actually be being sensitive. But, let's be perfectly honest. It's not what you've really done that was right versus what someone did that was so terribly wrong. But you haven't gotten caught doing the wrong they've done.
As a parent, I'm not sure you can ever really be prepared for this experience. You can try, but there are no guarantees in this business. But as a parent my daughter has never wanted for anything, I've never not be able to provide her basics necessaties and cover the majority of her wants. I felt the post may not have been very socially conscious. We have all made decisions [ I won't say mistakes, because I don't think my daughter is in any sense of the word, a mistake] that maybe we felt in hindsight we shouldn't have. Having a child or having children is a very public decision. A decision that I tell people [mothers] all the time doesn't stop them from being GREAT!

My intent is not to take anything away from this person and I certainly don't take this negatively personally. Let me just pause for the cause:

A. I will be graduating with a doctorate in 1 month
B. I have published several articles nationally
C. I am about to embark on a very successful career with a six figure salary
D. I have been a mother the entire time
E. All of the Above

So, as you were. I am a very confident and strong person, at this point in my life. But not every mother is and my goal is to motivate and not shun. The only selffish part of that post was that it glorified a persons personal decisions over anothers. Priorities= regarded as being more important than another. If you choose your career over starting a family, fine. If you choose starting a family over your career, fine. If you choose to do both at the same time, fine. And if you choose neither, far be it for anyone to judge.

Don't you ever let someone's opinion, belief, success, words, theory, or social media post hinder you from GREATNESS you desire for your life! Social media can be excellent platform to spread greatness, but it can also be a great platform to inadvertly suppress it.

Oh Sweet Sixteen!

It is 2016, please lets take a moment of celebration [insert celebration] OMG I can not believe that I have made it through 4 years of pharmacy school. I am so thankful and filled with so much emotion. Can I bask for a moment in time? Life has been really crazy. I always stop in with a short nothing to say and promise to come back and really talk about what's been going on with me. But life has just kept me really busy. Since I won't have too much going on I've thought about deleting this blog after school and starting a new one. But, I just can't bring myself to do it.

Emsley is almost FOUR and  almost as tall as ME! Which doesn't say a lot because I'm super short. She is so beautiful and smart. Four entire years and I still haven't gotten my life together. Oh, and I'm still fat! I'm eating as good as ever. Somebody gotta do it.

Graduation is less than an ENTIRE month a way. It's so surreal, I will be a Pharm D. (ehh hmm) a whole doctor. Life has not been easy, ever! But it's been a really good time.

Hopefully graduating will free up some of my time. Probably not, I just swap old goals for new goals. I had a spare moment yesterday and noticed I hadn't posted in nearly 2 years. Unacceptable on my part. This blog means so much to me and no one probably even reads it. If I was on my iphone I would insert one of those little crying side mouth emojis. Humble beginnings, I think this blog was initially started to pass time and make money. Just to confirm I've made no money. I also, think it served to help improve my writing. I've written so many articles. I recently had to write a four page paper for school and was completley full of myself. Like is this a paying job or NAH?

There is always a little something about home. You can never go too far or do too much, that you can't come back home. No matter how long I've been away or how much I've accomplished (or not accomplished) it feels good to come back home and write about life.

Until...

Let's Sigh together now

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! It has been too long. I miss you all. My life has not been the same and I don't even know where to begin.

Pharmacy School

So, my first semester of professional/graduate school.It was absolutely crazy! I think no one ever understands just how much work it really is. And people always sugar coat the situation like I made it through so can you.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,BLAH....


and I may be biased because along with being a full-time student I was also a full-time mother and more like a part-time girlfriend. The truth is you can DO IT! But, it's crazy hard. Some days you will look in the mirror and say "I really have to be crazy to want to do this"  The struggle is REAL.

There are so many assignments, so much studying. You feel like somebody is shoving food down your throat. It's funny actually because towards the end of the semester you start making connections and not everything but a lot of stuff makes sense. You get one assignment, you turn that assignment in, and then they give you like 4 more in exchange for the one you just turned in. You will love your professors until they test you then you will hate them, You will love them once you find out that you didn't do as bad as you thought you did and then hate them when you start studying for the next exam because it's too much material. Always there is a love hate relationship. Some classes some tests will take one for the team. There will always be that one and one more important. You will think you fail and never amount to anything and then you pull yourself together and study hard and pass. Some classes you will pass by the skin of your teeth.

 You will procrastinate. You will cry. You will be sad. You will be frustrated. You will curse. You will be mad and angry. You will laugh. You will dance. You will sing. And you will pray. But I'll tell you like my professor told me "if you put the time into it you may not get the grades you want, but you will pass. and at the end of the day no one cares if you got a C, or an A as long as you passed. Next semester I know what I have to do differently.

Most of the semester I let studying pile up on me and waited to the last minute and you realize when you pass your first exam from cramming that "okay" next time but sure enough you'll do it again. I am not I WILL NOT leave the library until I have studied at least 2 hours in some subject or another. This was a learning an experience I have ran off less sleep than I thought was possible. When 30 minutes of sleep feels like 4 hours, you have hit bottom. And walking in target buying my daughter a few items of clothing while I wait for my prescription to be filled, feels like a 4day 3 night cruise to the islands. When washing your hair, eating breakfast at a table, watching the news, taking a 20 minute shower, shaving, when those things feel like luxuries.You are experiencing some real ish!!!

So many times I wanted to give the white coat back, stop my loan and stay at home to take care of my BOOs. But I made it through semester 1 of 8 much celebrating is deserved. So, as I am sipping my blue raspberry lemonade calypso someone somewhere out there sip a glass a wine, take a shot, pop a beer for me....