Monday, July 30, 2012
It is too Early in the Morning
Ahhh.So Emsley and I fell asleep pretty early last night around 8:00 p.m., we both had a rough day. Well I woke around midnight from a horrible dream, I mean horrible (and she woke up right behind me considering she was laying in my stomach hurting my poor back.) I digress. Towards the end of last year my grandfather passed and it was a total shock! This was a man who at 74 years old still cut grass everyday. It was a big blow to our family. They don't make many men like him anymore. So the dream goes: My sister and I are spending the night at my grandparents house (something that I never do now) and Aint Margret and I are laying in the bed. The door bell rings, and it's my grandfather. My grandmother comes from her bedroom overjoyed and grabs his hand, they turn to walk away and my sister and I are crying our eyes out. My grandmother lets my granddaddy's hand go and comes over to us and almost in a fussing tone says "you girls stop crying you will be alright I know. Just stop that crying. I'm ready to go, I want to go, I want to be with Tom" From there the dream gets foggy but I remember being at a funeral home and My mother saying "She's going to look real nice" I remember holding Emsley and thinking "Who is going to take care of me when I'm sick, and go to farmfresh and bring us fried chicken, and I want Emsley to grow up and know who MAMA is." I remember looking around for Vander and him holding me and telling me that everything would be ok. And that's it... This dream really got me going so much so that I'm posting at 5:05 a.m. Emsley has hung with her mother for as long as she could. She went to sleep about 10 minutes ago. Mortality is something that few people like to think about or even accept. But it's real, every thing living will one day die. Invincible we are not in terms of death. I hate to think about dying. It's so final! What does this really mean: Maybe it is a tool of preparation that my grandmother is getting older and she is ready to be with my grandfather and to prepare my heart. Maybe its an indication that I need to get my life together (people always run to god when they are scared). Or maybe its a sign that Vander and I need to get ourselves together because we belong together and then if thats the case he needs the dream not me. I can't work something out with someone who isn't going to be sensitive to my opinions, feelings, and needs. Especially when I go over and beyond to do the same. At any rate.. That dream really shook me up so I had to post. Good Morning Honies I Hope you ALL have a Good Day Today!