It is too Early in the Morning

Ahhh.So Emsley and I fell asleep pretty early last night around 8:00 p.m., we both had a rough day. Well I woke around midnight from a horrible dream, I mean horrible (and she woke up right behind me considering she was laying in my stomach hurting my poor back.) I digress. Towards the end of last year my grandfather passed and it was a total shock! This was a man who at 74 years old still cut grass everyday. It was a big blow to our family. They don't make many men like him anymore. So the dream goes: My sister and I are spending the night at my grandparents house (something that I never do now) and Aint Margret and I are laying in the bed. The door bell rings, and it's my grandfather. My grandmother comes from her bedroom overjoyed and grabs his hand, they turn to walk away and my sister and I are crying our eyes out. My grandmother lets my granddaddy's hand go and comes over to us and almost in a fussing tone says "you girls stop crying you will be alright I know. Just stop that crying. I'm ready to go, I want to go, I want to be with Tom" From there the dream gets foggy but I remember being at a funeral home and My mother saying "She's going to look real nice" I remember holding Emsley and thinking "Who is going to take care of me when I'm sick, and go to farmfresh and bring us fried chicken, and I want Emsley to grow up and know who MAMA is." I remember looking around for Vander and him holding me and telling me that everything would be ok. And that's it... This dream really got me going so much so that I'm posting at 5:05 a.m. Emsley has hung with her mother for as long as she could. She went to sleep about 10 minutes ago. Mortality is something that few people like to think about or even accept. But it's real, every thing living will one day die. Invincible we are not in terms of death. I hate to think about dying. It's so final! What does this really mean: Maybe it is a tool of preparation that my grandmother is getting older and she is ready to be with my grandfather and to prepare my heart. Maybe its an indication that I need to get my life together (people always run to god when they are scared). Or maybe its a sign that Vander and I need to get ourselves together because we belong together and then if thats the case he needs the dream not me. I can't work something out with someone who isn't going to be sensitive to my opinions, feelings, and needs. Especially when I go over and beyond to do the same. At any rate.. That dream really shook me up so I had to post. Good Morning Honies I Hope you ALL have a Good Day Today!

Get To Know Me Tag...

Hi Honies,

I'm always excited when I find new blogs, especially beauty ones they give me so much inspiration. So, I was interested in getting some box braids and googled some hair styles when I stumbled upon a new blog. ColourMeSunshine,blogspot.com...It's really interesting. I've not had a chance to read All the posts as I am still a mother in case you've forgotten. But, you guys should check it out. And I don't know if you guys know or not, I'm not sure that I've mentioned that my hair is natural (meaning I have no relaxer), so if you know of any blogs that are targeted to natural hair people leave me a post and let me know. I'm always up for checking out some good blogs. At any rate there was a get to know me tag, that particular day I was reading so I decided to participate. Copy and do the same if you have a blog and post a link in the comment box so I and others can check it out... That's all Honies...



1. Are you named after anyone? 
No, However I was named Charity because of the love my father had for my mother.
2. When was the last time you cried?
 A few days ago, being a mother is difficult. I don't know how others' relationship with their parents are but my hopes for Emsley is that her mother AND HER FATHER play equally important and supportive involvement in ALL aspects of her life!
3. Do you have kids?    
 Yes I have Nemie
4. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?
Of Course! I'm pretty much Amazing
5. Do you use sarcasm a lot
No not too much but I definitely use it
6. Will you ever bungee-jump? 
I'm not sure...depends
7. What's your favorite cereal? 
Let me think I like swirls although, I don't think they're called that anymore anyway the cinnabun cereal and I love Special K
8. What's the first thing you notice about people?  
I notice how people carry themselves. If they are quiet or loud, if they talk alot, if they fiddling around, speaking foolishly...I try to crack they're character
9. What is your eye color? 
Dark brown.
10. Scary movie or happy endings? 
I'm a chicken so Happy Endings
11. Favorite smells? 
I like the smell of fresh cut grass it reminds me of my grandfather. I like Ralph Lauren Style. And the smell of the mailman. I like the smell of thanksgiving dinner being prepared
12. Summer or winter? 
Winter...The smells, holidays,and fashions
13. Computer or television?
Both, Computer because I love you guys and my email. But T.V. because I love to have the T.V. on while I blog and to watch my shows the computer screen most times hurts my eyes so I like to watch my shows on the tube.
14. What's the furthest you've even been from home? 
Florida..
15. Do you have any special talents?
If I do they are undiscovered
16. Where were you born? 
Onslow County (Camp Lejeune) North Carolina
17. What are your hobbies? 
Blogging, reading blogs, reading books,exercising, watching youtube videos, and taking care of Emsley (but that's not by choice), and eating
18. Do you have any pets? 
Yes a Husky, Lucky
19. Favorite movie? 
Movies. Mona Lisa Smile, Stepmom, Rocky V, Expendables
20. Do you have any siblings? 
A baby sister. Aint Margret
21. What do you want to be when you grow up? 
I want to be someone great. Someone who matters and changes the world. I want to be a Star. If not a Pharmacist and a great mother.

Alrighty, now you guys can tag and drop a comment with the link so myself and others can check it out!

Reality...What's Yours?

Reality, why is it that people are so consumed with reality? I mean reality television has completely taken over. It doesn't matter if it is reality with famous people or reality with common people it's exciting. Even at times when we know or may question if it is truly real. It is important to first note that reality is not the same across the board. My reality is different from yours and John's and Mary's and so forth. It's interesting to see how someone else is living, what their reality is. Reality is almost like therapy to see how people handle different situations and to become engulfed in someone else's problems that for a moment you are able to relieve yourself of your own. For some people it sets a standard of how they should be living their life and things that they should be doing. Reality is exciting because it's not our own. We feel like we can connect with people feel what they feel and how they feel. Some people blog anonymously, but I choose to blog whole heartily. So that people can connect with me. feel my thoughts, reactions, my struggles, heartache, my life. Not because I'm anyone special but because I have something to say and I'm courageous enough to say it all un-anonymous, regardless if anyone ever lays eyes on it. I think Reality is good but also it's not really factual it's what one chooses to make it. What is your Reality?

Blogging is Like

Blogging is an awkward experience. It's like walking into a empty room. At first you're nervous and uncertain, but then you start talking about everything that's on your mind. You don't know what to say, how to say it, if anyone will read it, or if anyone will even care. The most frightening part of this experience is failing. To have no one care about what you say, the issues you write about. I'm not a great writer. Actually, I'm a horrible writer and a bad orator. When I was younger I wanted to be an attorney but as I got older, I came to the realization that I was not a good writer. Also, it would have made college hell if I had to write elaborate papers all 4 years through. As I posted before, I write because it's my right. Perhaps I'm a creative writer. Perhaps not. Perhaps no one will ever read this and nothing that I ever have to say will ever even matter. However, I will commit to this. I will commit my time and efforts at writing about things that I believe are important. In life if we focus on doing things on the basis of success than how far in life will we ever get? If Steve Jobs had only set out to succeed at making incredible technology, would he ever have set out to do it. What youth in society should strive to do is give all of their efforts to an idea, the best they have to give, to it. At the end, if they have succeeded they have gained. Yet, if they have failed they have gained even more. If no one ever reads or subscribes to this blog. I still will have succeeded at committing myself to an idea of dedication. I can't fail! It's simply not an option. I will write on this blog until, I have nothing left to say.